Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
