Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
