I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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