he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
so much tequila, so little girl.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
