So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
