Screwed.edu
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
