Im at strip club and am horny
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
