Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
