sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Oh god it's open bar.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
