So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Sacagawea was the original milf.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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