Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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