why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
