Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
