doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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