Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
