she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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