ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
