So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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