Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
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