But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
