So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
