This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
