i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
