if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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