I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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