Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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