I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
