the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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