I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
