I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
