I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
