Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
