sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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