The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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