She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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