What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
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