i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
