I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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