what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
