My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Still dying that you shit outside
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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