i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
