Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
