Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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