He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
