dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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