if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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