Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
