can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
