matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
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