My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
