So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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